put me to bed.

So, I put on a few pounds lately,
happened before, I would just have to stop eating so late for a couple for days and do some sit ups.
However, this time, i don't think i can
lately, i have been losing alot of self control, especially over food.
Just the thought of eating yummy things makes my mind happy
I have been feeling so down, and not my self

I mean, the whole situation with that boy, it hurted but when things go down, they really just all go down at once don't they.

Lets review:
Love life: horrible. as a the usual, never have a liked a boy whom felt the same back.
School life: so horrible its about to be over, i feel so disencouraged
Dance life: pretty horrible too, don't see improvement, starting to lose that passion (not really) but just the feeling to wanting to keep pushing myself
Social life: it's meh, i mean i have many friends, and many good friends, but so hard to fully trust one person, what happened to when life was simple, without all these technology to make relationship between people so complicated? Or has relationship people always been this complicated?
Life in general: Well let's see, by all means I'm not a depressing person, but i have to admit, my body condition, I'm so not satisfied and i have just been feeling so crapy and down and lazyy about life.
I should get up and do something, write something, do something important, like reallly clean my room
If i make a list right now, i wonder how long it's gonna take for me to complete it, or even ever complete it

Things I have to do/want to do:
- make my tight video (keep up with updating youtube)
- updated my resume n write cover letter and send it to my prof (so i can use it for my near future job)
- wait till jan 3 and go see my program director
- take pictures of a bunch of my clothes and sell and donate!
- reallyreally clean my room (i think with the whole clothes thing taken care of, my room will be better, although i do have to remind myself to throw away useless stuff)

that's all i can think of for now, that i should be doing, and should be top of my list.
oh and somehow get back to the talent agency and def take more open classes

but my mind is just not focused on anything really, a lot of the times i find myself just wandering in space. Day dreaming about the future, yet here i am doing nothing at the present to create a future
I day dream about boys too, but i have just had so much bad experience with them, it makes it so much harder now, but that's not a bad thing right..just being a lot more careful, A LOT more.

I got so much of my mind.
I feel kinda sad
I don't wanna rub off this sad energy to anyone
but i hate just taking everything in myself.
I want to sleep
and hope to wake up feeling brand new again
or not....
lol

I pray to feel happy, alive and motivated again.
Put me to bed, and help me recover from the wounds and hurt i have endured